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Understanding abuse and how to support survivors
Domestic abuse is a pattern of power and control. It can be physical, emotional, sexual, financial or digital, and it affects people of every background.
What it feels like
Many survivors describe walking on eggshells, doubting their own memory, feeling trapped and still loving the person who hurts them. Shame and isolation are common, and abusers often cut people off from friends, money and work.
Children can be harmed even when they are not hit. Living in fear affects sleep, school and trust, and they may blame themselves.
Why leaving is hard
Leaving can be the most dangerous time. Survivors also weigh money, housing, children, immigration, safety and threats. Staying is not a sign of weakness.
How to help
- Believe them and say it is not their fault.
- Do not ask “why don’t you just leave?” Ask what they need.
- Do not confront the abuser. It can raise the danger.
- Offer a safe way to reach you, and remember that phones and computers can be monitored.
- Share the YWCA 24-hour line, 205-322-4878, or the National Domestic Violence Hotline, 1-800-799-7233.
- For children, be a steady, caring adult and tell them it is not their fault.